Fragile Heart
by Deanloves
Summary: Summary : 'When Castiel meet his new room mate, he knew something wrong with the lad, and he's willing to make him better'. HURT/SAM, CARING-LOVING/CASTIEL/ , PROTECTIVE/DEAN Warnings: A BIT SLASH – but NOT WINCEST, child abuse-Violence, family matters. (Don't worry, its still mine, i have delete this on other pen name ...hihihihi)
1. Meet My Room Mate

**Okey, have this old story – want to try to post it here. BUT ! if you have notice this story and title on the other pen name on here (account) don't worry, that pen-name is still me (though I won't say what the pen-name is, coz its my other different world- and please keep that secret) i have delete story from that pen name :) , I guarantee, this story 100% MINE, I SWEAR ! heheheehe **

**Summary : 'When Castiel meet his new room mate, he knew something wrong with the lad, and he's willing to make him better'**

**Warnings: A BIT SLASH – but NOT WINCEST, child abuse-Violence, family matters**

**Again, no beta here, but hopefully you can understand what I want to say. And still can enjoy it **

**Oh, anyone who wants to be my beta ? *grinned. THANKYOU ! xxxx**

**Part 1 – My Room Mate**

**London, St. Paul-Boys School, 1910**

He was my new room-mate. A freshman. We were at the same year, but this was his first school ever. His parents sent him a tutor at home, until they decided to send him to a formal school. So I was sure, it must be so dreading for him being in a new school. On this big and strange school and you had to live here at least for four years. Well, here we were, at St. Paul Boys Boarding School.

First time I saw him, my first impression on him was only that he was clumsy, quiet, and shy. And he was very tall for 15 yrs, slender with brown hair, and the most incredible hazel green eyes, even his face with little scars. I remembered how his parents Mr. and Mrs. Wesson looked so worried and hard to leave him here. I guess he was just mommy's boy, a spoiled rich boy, even the boy rarely talk, and seemed not responding with the attention. He just stayed calm.

"Hi, I'm Castiel," I greeted him, as soon as his parents left, and held out my hand.

He smiled and shook my hand, "I'm Sam."

I stunned as I touched his hand. His palm was so rough. I looked it, and he noticed. Then he paled, and pulled his hand back,

"My chores. I'm working hard," he explained.

"O, cool." _'Working hard for the chores? Wasn't he rich? Does he still doing his chores so hard till leaving scars on his hands? What a good rich lad.'_ Well, maybe I was wrong. Maybe he was not a spoil rich boy, it was just how their parents loving him too much. Well, every parent does when they leaved their son here. My parents did. So I think it was normal.

I looked at him, and he got discomfort.

"Uhmm, Sam, welcome to our room, and be bear with my snore, hope you like it here" I tried to make a conversation with a smile.

"Thankyou, I will be, " he smiled back. It was a cheeky smile, but cute.

"Okey," I smiled, then remembered how his mother was so worried about him before they left.

"Seems your mother so worried about you."

"Yes, she does," that's all he said.

I sighed for no more subjects. "Alright, I'm your room mate, Sam, anything you need help, my pleasure to help you."

"Thank you."

"No problem," I shrugged, with my heart pounding as I knew I got a roomy, after I've been alone for a year. It's gonna be great year. I hoped we could be a friend. I think he's good lad.

But first incident came.

It was his first night. I knew, he had been uncomfortable just before we slept. I let the light off. I used to sleep in the dark. And he was restless then finally he woke me up in the middle of the night.

"Yes, Sam?"

"Can I have the light? I can't sleep on the dark," he said with his little voice.

I didn't know what to say. Well, this is my single room for a year and there's no-one ever told me to switch on the light. But when I saw that little scared eyes, I couldn't say no. So I said,

"Of course," and switched on the light.

"I'm sorry," he looked so scared.

"It's alright, Sam, I could sleep in both lights," I gave him a smile.

"Thank you."

I nodded, "Now, go back to sleep."

He just nodded and tried to go back to sleep.

As I watched him laid down, I tried to go back to sleep either. But I lied. I couldn't sleep in the bright light. I need the dark. So when I saw him had back to sleep, a deep sleep, I turned off the light back, then back to sleep.

But then something happened.

It wasn't a long sleep, when I heard a noise. He was tossing in his bed, and moaning. Quickly I switched the light on, and rushed to him,

"Hey, Sam…it's alright…, wake up, I had switched it back," and tried to calm him.

But he kept tossing and moaning.

"Sam, wake up!" I shouted him and he finally wake up with sweating.

"It's alright, Sam, I had switched it on. I'm sorry."

He tried to breath and looked the light. And he could breathe easily, calming himself.

I felt so sorry and cursed myself, "I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't know that you would so scared like that."

"It's alright," with still paled face. "I'm sorry, I have waking you up."

I just smiled.

I looked at him carefully, "It must be a trauma for you?"

"Yes."

"Want to tell?"

He looked at me at first, then shook his head, "No."

"Oh, alright, I won't push you. It's your call."

"Thank you," his voice even smaller.

I still looked at him. "Now try to go back to sleep. I'll let the light on. I won't turn it off."

"Thank you."

I just smile and watched him laid back, tried to sleep again.

I watched him with a pity emotion. At that moment, I realized something, that there was something about him. Something he had to hide. I know it was not only scared to dark, but more. I was sure there was a reason, why his both parents treated him like a baby, being so worried about him. And I thought I had to watch him carefully too. I need to know everything about him.

*****SPNSPNSPN****

It had been two months I shared room with him, and things still the same. He was rarely talk and really looked clumsy. And he never liked to shake hand. His hands were full with the old scars. His palms and his wrist. And I'm sure it was not from the hard chores. It was from something else, but he never wanted to tell where he got that, and I daren't to ask again. It made him very scared of shaking hands. And he was difficult to make friends. So I was the best thing for him at the moment beside, his books. I was his roommate, and I think there's nothing he should hide from me.

I knew he has a brother here; he was a year above us. His name was Michael Wesson, and he was as worried as their parents. Everyday he was always come to our room, for checking up his little brother. Make sure he was alright. I think he got a lot of attention from his family. That something he had to be protected from something, which I didn't know what that, was.

"I think your brother is too much worried about you," I said as his brother just left from daily check.

He shrugged, "I know."

"Well, isn't that annoying you, being checked everyday?"

He smiled, "It's alright, they just love me. I need that."

"Hey, they are your family; they should love you, right?"

But I think there was something wrong with my word, as he suddenly looked quiet and uncomforted.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

He sighed, "No, nothing's wrong," he gave a meekly smile. The smile that made him looked so cute. Then he's back to write something.

I wasn't dare to ask again, and left him a silent world. The questions were over my head. What's wrong with him? Why he was so mysterious?

*****SPNSPNSPN****

Six months passed, Sam was still a mystery for me. He was so introvert. He never talked about his family, while I always talked about mine; my family and my two beloved brothers, Lucie and Gabriel. He was really hiding something that he didn't want everybody knows about his family. But one thing I admired of him was how he was good in class. He took very well in every lesson, and always did his homework, which was something I hate about. There was no wonder, books had been his friends. And he loved to write. He wrote his journal everyday. I loved too but not as crazy as him, even I would like to be a journalist someday. He was a good lad, a smart good lad. Too good I think.

In his small world, the only moment he would look happy was when he was receiving a letter from someone, someone named Dean Winchester. I always watched him from my bed when he read those letters. There were always big grins in that little face, then smiling. I liked when he did that. He looked so cheered up, better than his sad and clumsy face. And he would reply it right away. To Dean in Kansas - America. _'Who is Dean? Why he could make Sam this happy?'_ He never told who he was.

TBC -

**Soooo, should I continue ? - reviews will make me sooooo alive ! THANKYOU !**


	2. What's Wrong With Him ?

**Still no Beta ….  
**

**ENJOY ! and Hope YOU LIKE IT **

**Previous :**

_In his small world, the only moment he would look happy was when he was receiving a letter from someone, someone named Dean Winchester. I always watched him from my bed when he read those letters. There were always big grins in that little face, then smiling. I liked when he did that. He looked so cheered up, better than his sad and clumsy face. And he would reply it right away. To Dean in Kansas- America. 'Who is Dean? Why he could make Sam this happy?' He never told who he was._

**Part 2 – What's wrong With Him!?**

I was a respected man, and of course I would respect all the private things. That's why I never asked any private things to Sam, if not himself who was telling me. As long as he wouldn't talk, I wouldn't ask and I wouldn't cross that line. Even I really want to know everything about Sam, why he was so introvert.

Till one day, something happened.

It was a boring day in Arkroyd class. We both had Algebra class. George Arkroyd was a monster, nobody like him, but he is genius. Algebra was not my favorite, as well as Sam. We both like literature, so it's kind of freaky class for us. But still I would not pay attention of his lecture, as well as Sam. I watched him, he was busy of writing his journal (even in Arkroyd class!). I smiled, then let my mind drifted to another place.

I was really in dreamy land when I heard a shocking loud shout.

"Wesson, to the corner, now!"

I back into reality in shock… looked to Sam … (the only Wesson in the class), he drop the pen and closed the journal slightly.

'_Shit, he was caught!' _I thought.

There's a silent a moment, till finally Sam rose up from his sit.

In pale and no hesitant he walked to the wall.

I watched in horror as the bastard made him stand about 3 feet from the wall facing it.

Before Sam done that, a shocking act coming. Sam pulled down his trouser.

Arkroyd shocked and went pale. "What are you doing, Wesson! ? Pulled up your trouser!"

But there was no respond from Sam, as he stood like a statue, and kept pulling down. Sam was blanked out, like he wasn't there. Till he was ready with his boxer. His legs were shaking,

"Wesson! I said pulled it up!

"Wesson!" Arkroyd went mad.

Soon Sam was back into reality with shocked and see his teacher was red in angry face.

"PULLED UP YOUR TROUSER, NOW!"

He froze and saw his trouser was all over the floor, and realized his friends were in all shocking pale face, even me. He then pulled up his trouser.

"That would be double, Gray. Now bend over and place your palms on the wall" to do this Sams upper body was parallel to the floor… and his backside stuck out…

Then Arkroyd pulled out a long cane. I closed my eyes imagining the beating he would get.

SWAT! First cane through Sam bottom. There was no sound from Sam, even a whimper. He kept the yelped and screaming. The welts voice echoing through the class.

It seemed like eternity, and it didn't stop. Some lad had to close his eyes, for not able to see it.

Sam's trouser was ready to ripped from the canes. I saw Arkroyd had gone too far.

To my eyes, Sam bit his lips to stop the cried. I felt so sick. I wanted so much to kick the bastard away from Sam. But I couldn't.

Till he satisfied with punishment, then pulled back the canes. "Well, that is for being insolent."

Sam was still quiet. There's a blood in his lips where he bite it.

Then he turned to the class… "Alright, that's it for today. I'm sorry for this mess. Good day, everybody," then went out without even looking at Sam.

As Arkroyd left, me and couple friends rushed into Sam who was still bending over the wall shaking and pale.

"Are you alright, Sam?"

He just nodded, and straightened his body. With my help, he walked back to his chair. He sat with painfully, and laid his head on the desk. I gathered he didn't feel like communicating… I couldn't have said why but I felt sick at the thought of him hurting… so I watched him…he was so pale…

"Sam, you should go to the medicine room," some friend advising.

He just shook his head, still laid down.

"Back to our room?" I asked him carefully.

And he nodded.

I sighed, and packed his books.

"Come on, Sam," ready with his bag. "Can you stand up?"

He nodded and carefully stood up…I supported him to walk, and carried him.

It felt like a long journey to our room, and Samuel was still quiet. Still in shock!

"Here we are, Sam, our room," as we arrived, and Sam collapsed onto the bed, faced down.

I watched him in worried. His trouser were tattered, it could be there's an open wound.

"Sam, we should see your wounds. Can you open your trouser?"

Horrified he shook his head, refused it

"Sam, I'm sure there's an open wound on your back, we should see it."

But he kept shook.

"Please, Sam. I won't hurt you. I just want to check it and healed it. I have to see it, Sam."

No changes, Sam was still shaking his head, refused it.

But I didn't give up. Till I had to face him up, and starred him deep.

"I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to see it. Please, let me open your trouser," with my pleading eyes.

He saw my pleading eyes, and he believed. Then he nodded, and pulled down his trouser.

I helped him, to take it off all. And I'm shocked with the blood trough his boxer.

"Oh, my god," and pulled it down. I was more shocked as I saw his arse. There were not only messed up with the canes - one or two of the wounds were open and bleeding where the cane had broken the skin - but there was also angry old scars over his back till his top legs.

I looked at Sam, and he was even paler and frighten.

"It's alright, Sam, I'll take care of this," then go to med. box, and comeback with a bowl of water.

Without a word, I bathed his wounds, and poured something on it. Still he didn't let the whimper out. He kept silent, with his pale face.

'_Damn, what now? Where he got this all? I can't stand it, I have to know!' _But I'm sure I couldn't ask Sam. So I have to ask Michael. But did he know about this? Well he should, he is his brother!

Right in time, somebody rushed in with the worried and pale face. His brother!

"Samuel !?"

"Fuck!" as he saw the wounds, and sat with him after shut the door off. "You alright, Sam?"

Sam just nodded.

Michael nodded believed.

"How's the wounds?" he asked me.

"I had taken care of it."

"Good. Thanks Castiel."

I just nodded.

" I just heard what happened, and rushed here ASAP."

"Yeah, it was horrible. Arkroyd had gone too far."

"I know. He was a jerk."

Then he back to Sam, and watched him, Sam had fall to sleep. Michael sighed relieved. He saw the scars on Sam's back, and he just sighed in pain. He covered his brother with a thin sheet

"What happened, Michael?" I asked him, couldn't stand it. "Where the hell he got that?"

He turned to me, with a flat emotion.

"I think, you should ask him. It was not my place of telling you. That if he trusted you."

I stunned, "Was it so horrible?"

"Yes, it was. And he doesn't like anybody to know it."

"But I'm his roomy, I have to know."

"Not that easy. Wait till he trusts you. When he does, he will tell you."

I went silent. And watched his brother looked so worried.

"I'll stay for tonight,"

"Be my guest."

He just nodded.

**TBC**

**Sooo, should I continue again ? Review please … **


	3. Mystery Revealed

**Here the part 3 , still no Beta hehehehehe**

**ENJOY !**

**Part 3 – Mystery Revealed **

So Michael stayed in our room, keep watching his brother carefully, like he was expecting something.

And it happened!

Sam was twitching, tossing and whimpering in his sleep, just like what happened in his first night. I guessed this is what Michael has expected. Right away, Michael checked his forehead. There's no warm, or hot body.

"Sam….?" he tried to waking him up.

But Sam wasn't hear. He kept tossing, and struggling.

Michael wrapped him up, "Shhsss, its okay, Sam, I'm here. Nobody is going to hurt you. You are safe, now. It's okay, Sam, I'm here."

"Dean!" in his sleep.

Michael sighed in relieved, "Sorry, Sam, Dean is not here. But I'm here. It's okay, nobody's going to hurt you," he kept wrapping, wiping Sam's forehead, and smoothed his hair, till Sam fell back to sleep.

I watched in mesmerised, as Sam stopped struggling. I know there was something worst had happened. Michael sighed in relieved as watched Sam in deep sleep.

"Tell me, Michael. Now! I can't wait till Sam is willing to tell me. I need to know it now! It must be so that bad."

But he just starred at me.

"I'm his room mate, Michael, I have to know it!" my voice raised up.

"Okay!" with lowering his voice. "Okay, I tell you. Sam would hate me for doing this."

"I'll talk to Sam."

He just nodded.

"What happened, Michael?"

"Bad childhood, Cas."

"By who? Who did that to him?"

"His father."

I stunned. "His father?" I don't get it. "Mr. Wesson_"

"No, Cas. We're not a real brother," for make me shocked.

"I know, it's kind of shocked you, but Sam is not my real brother. My mother has him when he was 10 years old. At that time we were still in America."

Okay, this is more stunned me.

"Me mother found him on the street. He was badly bruised. Bleeding from open wheals on his back. His father who did that. He beat him everyday."

"Why?"

"He took the blame of Sam's mother's dead. She died after bringing him to the world. And he blamed it to Sam. That's why he beat the living daylights out of Sam since he was about 3 years old."

I sighed hardly.

"His brother was trying so hard to free him from their father. He loved Sam so much. So when he met us, he sees the chances of saving Sam. And he did it. He gave Sam to us as we moved to England. So here he is, with us."

"And his brother's name is Dean Winchester ?" I guessed

"Yes. "

_Okay, it cleared now. Who's Dean, and why Sam so happy of receiving the letter from him._

"Sam loves Dean so much. He was the only safe place for him. The one who wouldn't hurt him. Dean was his rock, who kept him strong and alive from daily beaten."

I went silent.

"When we first met Sam, it was a horrible sight. He was pale, skinny, scared, uneducated, full body bleed bruised, and not talking. He was so scared to talk, even to let the voice out, as his father would beat him even harder if he ever dare to cry or whimpered.

And it was a long journey for us to make him want to talk again. Three years, we were finally made him invoice again. That's why, mother sent a private tutor for him, to bring back his normal life. His trusted, his confident, and his knowledge. And I tell you, it wasn't easy. And that's why, this is a big effort for him to go to this school, and how much we worried about him. He had gone through hell, and we don't want that happened again. We love Sam, my mother loves him very much, and he deserves to have a normal. Doesn't he?"

I just nodded, couldn't believe what just I heard. How badly Sam's life. How Sam had suffered. No wondered, he was so clumsy and so scared. He really had been trough hell!

I watched him, how he slept in peace. There's a pain inside my heart to know how suffered he was.

"Thankfully, your mother found him."

"No. I think he found us. And we glad we could safe him from that bastard. He ias still in recovery. He such a good kid, I love him. I have seen him as my little brother that I never had."

"Yeah," there's no doubt at all, as how they protecting him so much. And I think I have loved him too.

"And thank you for being his friends, Cas. I hope you can understand why he was so introvert and so shy, he just don't want anybody know about him, it still a trauma for him."

"Yes, I can understand that."

He nodded in little smile. 'Well, I think I could leave him with you now, as you have known his past. Watch my bother, Cas."

"I will." I don't know why, but yes, I would love to watch him over, and taking a good care of him.

"Thank you. You're such a good friend, Castiel."

I just smiled.

Michael smiled back. Then he looked back his brother.

"Well I think he has settled now, we could go back to sleep till dawn."

I looked the clock, _'it has 3 am now'._

"Don't worry, he's alright."

I just nodded, and laid on the coach while Michael laid beside Sam, watching him over. I watched them mesmerized. Nobody thought that they weren't a brother! What a good big lad. I smiled, then tried to sleep.

**TBC**

**Continue ? heheheheehe**


	4. You Can Trust Me, Sam

**There, the chpter 4. Thankyou to anyone who reads and liking this story.**

**Well, ENJOY and HOPE YOU LIKE IT HEHEHEEH**

**Previously :**

_Michael nodded in little smile. 'Well, I think I could leave him with you now, as you have known his past. Watch my bother, Cas."_

"_I will." I don't know why, but yes, I would love to watch him over, and taking a good care of him._

"_Thank you. You're such a good friend, Castiel."_

_I just smiled._

_Michael smiled back. Then he looked back his brother. _

"_Well I think he has settled now, we could go back to sleep till dawn."_

_I looked the clock, 'it has 3 am now'._

"_Don't worry, he's alright."_

_I just nodded, and laid on the coach while Michael laid beside Sam, watching him over. I watched them mesmerized. Nobody thought that they weren't a brother! What a good big lad. I smiled, then tried to sleep._

**Part 4 – You Can Trust Me, Sam...**

I woke a couple hours later and Michael was still there, waiting his brother waking up. I soon remembered a horrify stories he told me last night. I looked at Sam with painfully.

"How is he?"

"Morning, Cas," he greeted me with smile.

"Morning. How is he?"

"Still hasn't wake up, but he's okay. He didn't much tossing last night, and he could sleep in peace. I think he's better now."

"His wounds?"

"He'll survive. He had much worst before," he smiled bitterly as he checked Sam's wounds. "The only thing I'm worried about was only his voice. I'm afraid he scared to talk again. It happened before. When his trauma came back, he stopped talking for almost a month. Back to square one. It was hard working to make him talked again. I hope he didn't this time. But he called Dean's name, so I think it didn't happen. He's a lot much stronger, now."

I just nodded.

"Ng… Michael, bout last night…"

"Castiel, I would appreciate it if you are not mentioning about his past in front of him. Pretend that you know nothing. All this time, we tried for not mentioning it again. He's still in recovery, and the best way for him is never brought it up again. So please, don't talk him about it. Someday, when he's ready and trusted you, he will tell you everything. Key?"

I nodded. "Sure, Michael, I won't mention about this. You can trust me."

He smiled, "Thank you."

I just nodded slightly and back to Sam,

"Guess, he will not fit to the class?"

"No, he won't. So of you mind, I'll stay till he really got better."

"No, I'll stay, Michael. I'll watch him. I don't fancy going, after yesterday…"

"Hey, don't make this affected to you. You should go. Don't missed your class,"

"Yeah, and thinking about him? No, thank you. I'm worry about him too, Michael I couldn't leave him!"

He's little bit shocked with my tones, then looked me carefully.

"What?" I protested with his eyes.

"No, nothing," he smiled. "Okay, if you insisted to stay with him. But still I have to stay, at least till he wakes up. I can't leave him too, Cas," he smiled.

"Yeah, of course. Stay as long as you need, Michael," I know how much he loves his brother.

He smiled then back to Sam who still a sleep. I watched him too.

He was still in uniform from last day. His naked bottom covered by the sheet, and he looked so peaceful. Indeed, he's hiding something. Some misery, which nobody would think about. Michael checked his back again. The blood had dried from long ago, and seems nothing to worry. His bottom was healing; even I think it's still painfully to him to sit. But nothing serious, he will okay. I looked his old scars more carefully. It was really over his bottom, and his thigh. My heart was like being ripped with the sight. I couldn't imagine what life he had been trough. Nobody can.

"Huh…Dean…?" there's a voice and he's stirring.

"No, Sam, it's me, Michael," he's smiling gladly.

"Michael? Why are you here? Shouldn't you at the class now?"

Michael just smiled, "I can't leave you, Sam, not until you alright."

"I'm alright, Michael, thank you," he smiled.

"I believed that. And I'm glad to hear you talking, Sam, I thought_"

But he smiled, "Don't worry Michael, it won't happened again."

"I know," Michael was so relieved.

"And please, Michael, don't tell mother. Don't make her worried. I'm okay, nothing to worry."

Michael just nodded. Then Sam turned into me

"Cas? You stayed too?"

"I can't leave you, Sam."

"I'm okay, Cas," then he tried to get up. He froze for the pain, and took a deep breath.

"Sam?" Michael looked much worried.

"Don't worry Michael, I've been through a lot worst," he gulped with his own words, then tried to sit.

"You shouldn't stay, Cas. I can take care myself."

"Yeah, after yesterday? He broke your skin, Sam."

"And it's my fault. I deserve it, Cas. I deserved for everything I've done," his face changed pale. Feel like he's ready to burst out. But he's hanging there.

'_No, Sam! You're not deserved it.'_

"I'm okay, Castiel, don't worry," he last words, to stop the subject. And I couldn't say anything just watched him like nothing happened. Maybe this is part of his healing. Even I know he's still hurt there, the trauma still haunted, he tried to get stronger. And I would help him.

***SPNSPNSPN****

Sam missed his class, and since then he was always haunted by nightmares. He was restless and tossing in his sleep. Michael wasn't there -it would bring him a detention if they found he's not in his room at night- so I stayed up for Sam. I was there for him. Just like what Michael's did, I wrapped, wiping and comforted him. Let him knows that he wasn't alone, that I was there with him, that he saved with me. It was so hurt for me to see him like this. But I could do nothing but to comfort him. I didn't know what's the real happened to him, what his father done, except that he made Sam's life as hell. I wanted him to share his bitterness, I want to feel his pain, but before he trust me it wouldn't happen, he wouldn't tell me. And this is much worse!

Every night I sat with him, comforted him in his restless and tossing sleep, wondering when will he telling me,

"You can trust me, Sam. You can tell me everything you want to tell. Please share with me," I begged him in my heart.

Two week passed. Back to the class, Sam was more quite than before. He took a lot of attention in every lesson, and never dare to wrote his journal on class again especially on Arkroyd class. And I was more watch over him, like he was my little brother. But slowly he recovered, even still sometimes he got nightmare and tossing all night, then he tried to get fit on the next morning for the class like nothing happened. Of course I was there comforting him. That was the only I could do for him for now. He hasn't told me anything. The pain of my heart was going stronger as he hasn't trust me. Michael told me to patient, as he needed time to trust someone outer his family. He said if I care of, just wait and the time will come. If course I care of him, and I'll wait for that time.

And that time was finally come.

It was night like before. Sam was slept early as I still have something to do with my home work. It was 12 midnight when I finished my homework and go to bed. I felt so tired and I just want to sleep. So I slept. But like usual, it was not along sleep as I was woken up by a whimpering voice. Just like nights before, Sam got another nightmares. Quickly I rushed to him and tried to calming him.

"Shss… it's okay, Sam, I'm here…" I wrapped him.

But he kept struggling. And he freaked out. He kept tossing and struggling, sweat over his head, and his hands was on covering his head and face, like he was protecting his face and there a tears slipped from his closed eyes. _'Oh God, this must be worst than before'_

I tried so hard to calming and waking him up.

"Sam, shss… it's okay, you safe here, Sam…I'm here…"

But no used. He wouldn't calm, and he even more freak out. Tears run down in his cheek. I was devastated to calming him. I felt my own tears. I swear, right that time I wanted so much to rushed into Michael for helping him, but I couldn't leave him too!

"Sam, please…!" I almost screamed.

Then suddenly he woke up with the horror sight. Terrified eyes, shocking pale face and trembling lips. He was panting like just had 1000 m run, he breathe heavily.

"It's okay, Sam, you saved now. I'm here…" I grabbed his hand tightly and sponged his wet forehead.

He looked at me with his pale face as try to calming himself.

"It's okay it was just a bad dream, Sam. It's not real, it was a nightmare," when his breath begun to normal.

"Yes, it was," he answered with his trembling voice, made me stunned.

I sighed, "Well, but it's over now. You safe here, nobody can hurt you; I wouldn't let anybody hurting again."

He froze with my words then looking at me. And yes, I have to admit on him. I couldn't stand it much more.

I took a deep breath, "Yes, Sam, I know what have you been through... Michael had told me, what have your father done to you, your real father," I hold my breath. And he fell into sadness and breaking heart.

"I'm sorry, Sam, I forced him to telling me. I saw you scars, and nightmares you had every night. I have to know it, Sam. I care about you, and it hurt me to see you suffered like this without knowing what happened to you. But he hadn't tell me everything. He hadn't crossed your line, Sam."

He was still in breakdown.

"And it much hurt me to watch you like this, suffering from your nightmares. Now knowing what you freaked of. I know your pain, Sam, and I'm here. I'm here to share your pain. You can trust me, Sam, Share with me," I almost pleading.

I thought he would burst out to me. But he didn't. He just looked at me.

I didn't feel he likes to share it now, and I wouldn't expected that.

"Tell me when you are ready, Sam. When you have trust me…"

He still silent.

I sighed in hopeless. Then got up to fetch him water.

As I came back and sat beside him as he took the glass from me. He drank it slowly.

"I didn't know where to start, Cas," he finally spoke with little voice and trembled.

I was aware. _'Does he ready to tell me, now?'_

"This would be a long story and wasn't a pleasant one," he adjusted.

I smiled bitterly, "I've been waiting for this, Sam. I have time to hear it, and no matter how horrible was it."

He didn't respond.

I gulped, uncomfortable.

"Where do you want me to start, Cas?"

I sighed, "What about from your nightmare you just had," I answered it carefully for not scarring him.

He looked at me in nervous.

**TBC **

**Continue ? - please review … ehehehe **** THANKYOU **


	5. Those Nightmares

**Chapter 5 **

**Still no beta... but ENJOY !**

**Previous :**

_I sighed in hopeless. Then got up to fetch him a water._

_As I came back and sat beside him as he took the glass from me. He drank it slowly._

"_I didn't know where to start, Cas," he finally spoke with little voice and trembled._

_I was aware. 'Does he ready to tell me now?'_

"_This would be a long story and wasn't a pleasant one," he adjusted._

_I smiled bitterly, "I've been waiting for this, Sam. I have time to hear it, and no matter how horrible was it."_

_He didn't respond. _

_I gulped, uncomfortable._

"_Where do you want me to start, Castiel?"_

_I sighed, "What about from your nightmare you just had," I answered carefully for not scarring him._

_He looked at me in nervous._

**Part 5 – Those Nightmares**

I waited him as nervous as him.

He took a deep breath before he's starting it.

"It was not my favorite nightmares. But it always comes."

"What nightmares, Sam?"

"Me being in small dark closet with big rats."

I gulped, _'Big rats?'_

" 'He' used to lock me on a dark small closet under the stairs with that horrible rats. It was 'his' favorite. He knew I hate and scarred of them. They were big, wild, and mean. But 'he' just locked me there with them, letting them to bite me and ate me there. The more I covered my body and hauled them, the more they aggressive and wild, till I couldn't fight again and let them ate me. And I never dare to screamed even I wanted so much to shout."

My heart fell. I was sure those scars on his face was rats masterpiece. He let out his hands and showed me the scars on his wrist. Their masterpiece too. _'Oh God'_ I had to take a deep breath as took his hand grabbed them gently.

I opened his palms and looked those scars over his palms.

"Were this their teeth too?"

But he shook his head.

"This was from 'him', to remind me as a bad kid."

I looked at him as ready to hear another bad story of him.

" 'He' kept ensure me that I was a bad kid, naughty and useless. 'He' never like me, 'he' hates me. Sometimes he used 'his' belt and cane on my palms till it bleeding or put my palms on the door and smashed it for several times.

**Flashback**

"_Arse here, you little shit!" as 'he' grabbed Sam's sore hand from the beating last night, to the door. 'He' opened the door and put Sam's hand at the door._

_Before Sam knew what his father would do, his father smashed the door through Sam's little palms and pinched them hard on a door. Sam shocked with the pain. He almost screamed, but he had learnt to keep his screaming._

'_He' pinched them hard several times, till it blood, and Sam couldn't stand with the pain. It was hurt so much, it felt like his bones were crushed. Till he couldn't stand much longer and let his little whimpered out._

"_What was that? Did I hear something?" 'he' put his ear even closer on Sam, and not only a whimper 'he' found out but a also a dripping tears._

"_Well, you cried now, that would be double, and another for crying."_

_Sam couldn't breathe, and just could feel the horrific pain over his hand. He let his tears down, not caring what would happened next. It wouldn't different; 'he' would beat him anyway._

_And Sam had to pay his tears._

"_Now, drop your pants!"_

_Sam couldn't move his hands. It hurt so much. And this made 'him' even madder._

'_He' pulled Sam to the table and faced him down on belly. 'He' pulled off Sam's pants roughly and gave him a good belted on his back and his butt till Sam passed out. _

**End flashback**

"I passed out and I couldn't use my hand properly for over two months. My hands were cracked out.

I couldn't breathe as he's telling his story, like my heart was ripped out. I felt sick! It couldn't be that bad, that was hell! A fucking living hell! And his father who's done that! Bastard! Animal!

"'He' never like me, Castiel. 'He' hated me so much. He hated me for killing mam. He said I was a mistake, that I shouldn't be born. Mam was sick when she was having me and 'he' believed 'his' little family had perfect with mam and my brother Dean, 'he' didn't want more. 'He' wanted to abort me for my mam safety. She shouldn't have a baby. She wasn't strong for laboring it. But she kept me, and with her last strength she brought me out to the world, and the next morning she died. It was my mistake and I was a mistake. 'He' told me that every day. That I shouldn't be born and took me mam's life. 'He' loved her so much! That's why 'he' put up with me and why the beatings were all my fault."

"But Dean was there. He was there from the beginning. He took after me and raised me while 'he' beat me up. Dean was always standing up for me. He tried so bad to protecting me, but he couldn't done that all the time, as I have to stay at home with 'him' while Dean had to work at the dock.

"I stayed with 'him' everyday never letting me out except to buy him a big bottle beer, and got the beating every day. I always ended half conscious on the floor, bruised and bleeding, sometimes I vomited myself before he threw me to the closet with the rats. And Dean would pull me out from there when he was come home. He bathed my wounds and changed my dirty clothes and wrapped me up, took me to the safest place for me, and he would comfort me with the world 'hang on, Sam, when our money had enough I'll taking you out from here, keeping you away from 'him' forever'. That's why always I hanged on there, waiting for the chance to get out from 'him'."

I kept listening with heart breaking.

"Dean knew my daily life at home, and he was always looking a chance to take me out from the house, keeping me away from him.

"Till one day he had a chance. And … that brought us to meet Mrs. Sullivan and Michael."

I held my breath. Alright a new chapter.

**TBC**

**Soooooooooo ? hehehehehe, review please …. **


	6. I Swear, I Didn't Steal It !

**Chapter 6**

**Still No Beta - ENJOY !**

**Previous :**

_"I stayed with 'him' everyday never letting me out except to buy him a big bottle beer, and got the beating every day. I always ended half conscious on the floor, bruised and bleeding, sometimes I vomited myself before he threw me to the closet with the rats. And Dean would pull me out from there when he was come home. He bathed my wounds and changed my dirty clothes and wrapped me up, took me to the safest place for me, and he would comfort me with the world 'hang on, Sam, when our money had enough I'll taking you out from here, keeping you away from 'him' forever'. That's why always I hanged on there, waiting for the chance to get out from 'him'."_

_I kept listening with heart breaking._

_"Dean knew my daily life at home, and he was always looking a chance to take me out from the house, keeping me away from him._

_"Till one day he had a chance. And … that brought us to meet Mrs. Wesson and Michael."_

_I held my breath. Alright a new chapter._

**Chapter 6 – I Swear I Didn't Steal It !**

He drank his water before he started again.

"It was a beautiful day when finally Dean had a chance to take me out from the house."

**Flash back**

"_Let me take Sam to the dock," Dean asked his father for permission before he went out to work. "Mr. Doyle might have a job for him," he had to find a fine excuse for his pap._

'_He' looked Sam sinicely . Then 'he' nodded, "Get him out from here. I had sick of him!"_

_Both Dean and Sam grinned as got the chance to get out from house. It meant no beating for Sam today._

_They went to the dock where Dean worked as a labor in shipping factory. The work was so hard. A lot of lifting. But for 12 years old boys, Dean was strong enough to lift the box to be move to shipping ship, but for Sam, it's impossible to do. Sam was small for 10 years old boy. He was more look like 8 than 10! And with his body full of wounds, it was more impossible to him to do this hard job. So Sam was sitting on a box waiting for Dean. Luckily Sam was a nice kid. He would sit nicely not doing anything, just watched his brother work._

_Till Dean's boss found him. And he interested to hire him as a massager boy, delivering his letters to his client._

"_One penny for each letter you delivered," Mr. Doyle offered._

_At first Sam was not sure at the offering, and he was scared at this big man (well he was scared to everyone except to Dean) but Dean let him to take the job, as he knew Mr. Doyle was a good man._

"_He wouldn't talk, would he?" to Dean. "He could keep my secret too."_

"_He never talks, Sir."_

"_Good. So Sam," turned to Sam, "do you take it…?" _

_Then shyly Sam nodded accepting the job._

_Both Dean and Mr. Doyle were smile gladly._

"_Good. You can start it now, there a lot of letter you have to deliver."_

_Sam nodded, and followed the big man, taking Sam's first job._

_Sam loved his job, and he doing it well. Mr. Doyle was satisfied with Sam. He liked Sam, and Sam liked the job. Maybe with this he could forget the pain on his body. Sam got 5 penny for 5 letters he delivered. For the first time Dean could see smiling face on his brother's face. He knew Sam was happy, and Dean wanted so much make Sam happy. He loved Sam so much._

_With the money he got, Sam could buy something he liked. And he loved to have a book. A story book. Yes, he could read, but he couldn't write. His fingers couldn't pinch the pen for writing as his father crushed his palms with belt and the door. And he love reading so much, sometimes Dean would read it for him._

_So when they passed a book store, Sam was starred in one book at the etalase even he was not sure his money would enough to buy that book._

"_C'mon, let see if we can buy that book, Sam."_

_An 'Oliver Twisted' by Charles Dickens was interested Sam. And Mrs. Tuck, the owner' was amazed with Sam. She knew Sam as Mary's little son, who wouldn't talk since he was five, and Sam was mirror image of his mother, good looking little lad._

"_What the cost, Ma'am?" Dean asked shyly._

"_That was a good book, Dean, but for you, it would be only 5 pennies."_

_Well, they can afford it, but of course no money for 'him'. And Dean seemed no care. He bought it for Sam. _

_As he gave his entire penny, Mrs. Tuck gave one penny back._

"_Keep it for you, Dean," with smiled gently._

"_Thank you, Mrs. Tuck," Dean smiled gladly, as he know Sam would happy with the book and there some penny to keep for his father._

_After saying thank you, they went home._

**End flashback**

"I swear, Cas, that was my happiest day. No beatings, have my own money, have a new book, got a proper food, met nice people to me, and mostly far from 'him'. And for the first time I feel so free, no beatings. I loved that day," he smiled at the memories. "But I know it won't last forever. I shouldn't be dreaming," his face fell again.

**Flashback.**

_As they arrived at home they found his father slept on the table with empty bottles around him. They giggled with 'his' snore._

"_Go up, I'll catch you later."_

_Sam just nodded, then go upstairs._

_But suddenly, "SAAAAAAMMMMMMMM!" _

_Sam froze with the called. _

'_He' was stirring n met Sam's eyes._

"_Where have you been!?" _

"_Mr. Doyle hired him, dad," answered Dean._

"_Job? He works?" I smiled sinisterly _

"_Yes, dad."_

"_Get your arse here, now!"_

_Sam obeyed and slowly got into him with shaking._

'_He' grabbed Sam on collar "Did you really work?" _

_Sam nodded in scared_

"_Dad, he's Mr. Doyle's right hand now," Dean was tried to take 'his' heart, and let Sam go._

'_He' didn't believed, "how much he paid you?"_

"_5 pennies a week," Dean answered for Sam._

'_He' inspected Sam without releasing 'his' hand, then he threw his son just like that, make Sam fell hard to the floor as well as his book where he hide it behind his dirty jacket._

"_What's that?" 'he' took it from the floor, and scanned it. "Where did you get this?" _

"_Mrs. Tuck gave him."_

"_Shut up!" hitting Dean. "I didn't ask you!" _

'_He' back to Sam, who had paled and terrified._

"_Where did you this!?" 'he' grabbed Sam on hair. Sam winched in pain. _

"_You stole it, didn't you!?"_

_Sam shook his head in fear and panic._

_This made 'him' madder. Systematically he began to hit Sam across the face. "I didn't raise a thief!" 'he' unfastened his belt and grabbed Sam's hair back with the other. Sam felt bile rise in his throat._

"_No, dad, he didn't steal it! Mrs. Tuck really gave it for him!" Dean was tried to insist his father._

"_Shut up! You think I would believe? No one would ever give a great book for free, especially for him!"_

"_But, dad_"_

_Plash! 'His' belt was crossed on Dean's face_

"_Go upstair, or you will get one too!"_

"_No!"_

_This made 'him' even madder._

'_He' released Sam and turned to Dean. 'He' grabbed Dean on hand and threw him to the closet under the stair and locked him there. _

_Then 'he' back to Sam and looked at the boy as Sam pressed himself to the wall totally scared_

"_Which hand, Sam?" 'he' ready with the belt._

_Sam tried to refuse._

_"Don't make me angrier, Sam! Or do you want 'the door pinched' ?"_

_This made Sam even paler. He still remembered the pain, and his hands were crushed by the door_

_"So, which one do you like, Sam?" 'he' menacingly._

_Sam would prefer belted hand than get his hands pinched on the door, even the pain was equal._

_Head down Sam pulled out his hands and receiving the belt on his palms. _

_It went while till 'he' pulled the belt off. Sam's hands were covered by red welts and some oozing blood._

"_Now drop your pants!"_

_With an effort unable to move his hands, Sam pulled his pants down, and without an order he bent over giving his butt. _

_As he heard the sound of the leather cut through the air he tried to brace himself. But he had to yelp as the buckle end made contact with his bruised butt. He could hear 'his' drunken ramblings and lost count of the blows. Sam tried to break free anywhere they could land. Sam bit his lip, to stop screaming or to stop passing out. He heaved and fell over the floor unable to move._

_As Sam fell, 'he' was calming down a little and looked at the boy. Blood ran down his back, which was beginning to bruise as were the top of his legs. His backside was a mixture of bruises and open wheals. But he didn't care and let the boy laid on the floor._

**End flashback**

"I passed out, Cas. For many times I passed out, laid unconscious on the floor."

I sighed heavily. I felt my own tears, while he didn't let the tears out. I think I had learnt how to hold the tears.

**TBC**

**Soooooooooo ? hehehehehe, review please …. **


	7. Mrs Wesson and Michael Wesson

**Part 6, its short, but hope it worth it. **

**ENJOY - and still no beta **

**Previous :**

_As Sam fell, 'he' was calming down a little and looked at the boy. Blood ran down his back, which was beginning to bruise as were the top of his legs. His backside was a mixture of bruises and open wheals. But he didn't care and let the boy laid on the floor._

_End of flashback_

"_I passed out, Castiel. For many times I passed out, laid unconscious on the floor."_

_I sighed heavily. I felt my own tears, while he didn't let the tears out. I think__ he__ had learnt how to hold the tears._

**Part 6.**

**Mrs. Wesson and Michael Wesson**

"The next morning, I was woken up by Dean who rushed to me after 'he' was released from the closet. Dean so worried about me, and didn't think I could go to work that day But 'he' wants me to go. And I think that would be better than I have to stay at home with him, even I didn't know how to work on this condition. I couldn't even walk to the factory! Dean had to lift me to the dock!"

"Thankfully Mr. Singer were so nice. He looked my condition and letting me to take a rest, doesn't have to do my job. He even let me rest in his office. He took care of me. But of course, I couldn't stand with the kindness. I should working. There's letter I should deliver. And somehow I go to work. I tried, I swear! But it was torture, my shirt rubbed the wounds mercilessly and my legs were giving up as well my back. And when I came back from delivering, I gave up, and fell to the street right before a wagon passing me. I thought they would hit me, but I didn't feel anything as I fell unconscious."

"They found me, Cas. Mrs. Wesson and her son, Michael. They pulled me out from the street. She was a great lady. I got a fever when they took me to their house.

**Flashback**

_Sam was woken up by the hands who bathed his wounds. He thought it was Dean, but no, there's no Dean! It was a lady who bathed him. And he went hysterical full of fears. _

"_Easy, son, don't move."_

_But Sam kept struggling and tried to turn his body back._

"_Sammy?" a familiar voice rushed into him. It was Dean. Dean was here! Sam grabbed his brother and hugged him._

"_It's okay, __Sam__, they are just bathing your back, I'm here, __Sammy__." _

_With Dean beside him, Sam was calming, and stayed on his belly._

_This lady was tried to be gentle and careful. Then wait the doctor to examine him._

_As the doctor came, he checked and examined the little boy. Sam was lay quiet still in Dean's arm, hold all the pain. Anything doesn't matter for him as long as Dean was there._

_The doctor sighed as he finished, "Don't worry, son, you'll be okay. Get some rest," he ruffled Sam's hair with smiled, then asked the lady to come out._

_Sam was still in pain, he couldn't move his body. He was so tired then fell to sleep in Dean's arms._

_Sam was trapped in a world of pain and fever, his back hurt, was sore and his whole body ached. Dark dreams held him captive, 'him' and the belted, the beats, the rats,. He struggled to surface and escape._

_He could hear Dean's voice, wrapped him and settled him. But there's another voice and hands. A lovely soothing voice, warm and gentle touch and, kept him in safety. Was it mam? Mam held him tight, comforting him, and ready to take him with her? Mam he never saw, mam who bled for him. Yeah, she must be here, she came for him, came for taking him with her to heaven to stop his suffer. And he was ready to go, then fell into her arms with deep peaceful sleep._

_Sam slowly became aware of his surroundings. He was laid in a nice bed, not his bunk. Sunlight shine through the window, warming the room. He didn't know where he was, how he'd got there, what he could only remember was pain and fear, and dark dreams with the belt and the rats._

"_Hi, Sam," a warm smiled and sweet voice from a lady greeted him_

_Sam was confused, he focused his eyes._

"_You got fever last night," Mae Wesson knew this boy was so scarred, and she doesn't want to scar him more._

_That clicked him. He wasn't at his room. He scanned the room, then fear through him._

"_Don't be afraid, you safe here, son. Don't you remember? You got hit by wagon yesterday? We hit you. But don't worry, doctor had treated it all as well your back."_

_It clicked him once again. His father! And Dean! He's looking his brother, but he was not found. The fear wider. He tried to get up, and this lady was held him, _

"_Where are you going, son?"_

_Sam couldn't answer and he's struggling to get up and get out from here. He has to find Dean._

"_Calm down, Sam, Dean will come."_

_With Dean's word, Sam stopped struggling. _

_Mae nodded, "Dean would be here, he'll come for you, after his work. You know he has to go to work, right?"_

_Sam still looked at her, try to believe._

"_He knows you here, and he will come after working. Don't worry, Sam, he will come, he's not leaving you."_

_Slowly Sam believed her._

"_Now, go back to sleep, you still need rest. I promised, he would be here when you woke up."_

_Sam had to believed, beside, his back gave up, he didn't have any strength to fight again. He just wanted to sleep_

"_Don't worry, you safe here, no one is going to hurt you, I promised," she said and guided him to laid back. _

_And Sam was back to sleep to be found Dean was there when he woke up. Dean was not leaving him._

**End flashback**

"She took after me, she bathed my wounds, and she fed me and wrapped me while I'm lost in dark pain fever world, just like Dean did. I didn't know was it a pity or what, but they show me love. They like me. I was put in the big room with a nice bed and treated like a young master. She even bathed me, washed my hair and gave me fine clothes. She showed me love. Michael was too. He was there to accompany me and took me to a great conversation," he smiled little; "I know it was fool, I couldn't talk while he always talking, tell me everything. But he doesn't seemed care. He liked to stay with me. I think he liked me too. Well they were like me, Cas, Mr. Wesson, Mrs. Wesson, and Michael. They love me! For two days in my life I feel so happy again. There's someone who love and taking good care of me beside Dean. I want to stay with them, Cas," I smiled for the memory

I smiled too, imagined his happiest moment.

"So, Dean left you there, to stay with them?"

But he shook his head sadly. "'He' found me, Castiel. Like I told you, never dreaming for what you could never had. 'He' picked us from that great house and back with 'him', and there's a high price I should pay."

"He beat you up?"

"Worst. Dean tried to protect me. He covered me up and took the beating for me, but I know he wouldn't leave me alone. So he beat me a lot worse than I never had before. He knocked me down and locked me in the closet for three days. No water, no food, with body bruised bleeding. I heaved out. I peed myself, and vomited myself. I didn't think I would survive. But I did. I even didn't aware when Dean finally took me out, I just glad to get out from there."

I silent for a moment and took a deep breath. I didn't know if I could stand to hear another story. It wasn't like I expected. This a lot worse!

"That's why I scared of the dark."

Yes, Sam, I could see that.

"I got fever again from the onslaught. But he never cared. "

I sighed in pain.

**TBC **

**Soooo ? should I continue ? Review please ….. **


	8. Safe Me From The Bad

**And here the chpter 8  
**

**Still no Beta though - ENJOY !**

**Previous :**

"He beat you up?"

"Worst. Dean tried to protect me. He covered me up and took the beating for me, but I know he wouldn't leave me alone. So he beat me a lot worse than I never had before. He knocked me down and locked me in the closet for three days. No water, no food, with body bruised bleeding. I heaved out. I peed myself, and vomited myself. I didn't think I would survive. But I did. I even didn't aware when Dean finally took me out, I just glad to get out from there."

I silent for a moment and took a deep breath. I didn't know if I could stand to hear another story. It wasn't like I expected. This a lot worse!

"That's why I scared of the dark."

Yes, Sam, I could see that.

"I got fever again from the onslaught. But he never cared. "

I sighed in pain.

**Part 8 - Safe Me from the Bad**

"I lost hopes. As I came back to him, I have to face his beating again. That was something I have to face everyday," his face even paler.

I starred at him gently, and he took my eyes sadly, and sighed. Then slowly took his clothes off, showed me something I haven't ready to see.

"These what he did, Cas."

I gasped. Sam's back was scarred with the mark of the belt he had received so often. It wasn't that horrific, the scars in themselves were relatively minor. It was how he had received them.

"I remember each one it happened. What I'd done wrong. Sometimes I wished that morning never come. I want night all the time. Coz when morning come it another beating to face. But I know it won't happen. I had to face his beatings. Till I only could wish that I could sleep tide, even I never could! The pain from the beating made me couldn't sleep. Even if I could sleep, it means the pain was too much to feel, and it would be double when I woke up. "

**Flashback**

"_SAAAAMMMM!"_

_Sam woke instantly with the called. No matter how hurts his body, he had to answered it. He was like every move was his last. He felt his body was trembling and cold sweat over his back. He knew he got fever. But he couldn't resist 'his' called._

_Slowly he got down in trembling. _

'_He' had waited him, with flat eyes._

"_Come here."_

_Sam stood where he stand_

"_Get your ass here!" 'He' grabbed Sam's hair closer with full hand. _

_He gave a few hard slaps crossed Sam faces with another hand, till Sam felt the blood on his lips. _

_As he satisfied, he released Sam's hair, and gave him some pennies _

"_Get me a beer."_

_No need to be asked twice, Sam rushed to the door and go to nearest shop. _

_He came back as soon as he can, and gave the beer to 'him'._

_"Stand over there!" 'he' ordered, and start drinking. _

_Sam stepped back, and stood where he was pointed._

_Sam waited with nervous. Soon 'he' got drunk, and the beating would begin again, and Sam didn't dare to find a safe place. His body was burning. Cold sweat was run down on his back, made the wounds even stinging! He couldn't stand any much longer, he could feel he would collapse in any minutes, but he couldn't go upstairs to lay his body. Anytime 'he' would call him._

_And the time was come._

"_Get your arse here!"_

_Sam froze with the called. _

_With trembling and shaking leg, he got closer. He could smell the beer from him._

"_To the wall."_

_Sam hold his breathe. Heavily he walked to the wall_

"_Hurry up!" 'He' pushed Sam. "Clothes off," as he unbuckled his belt._

_Sam pulled his clothes off._

"_Pants as well!"_

_Sam sighed, 'Oh, God, it would be hurt so much! . He pulled down his pants, till no clothes left on his body, then he braced his self for the first beating with grabbing the wall__._

_Sam felt the first struck on his back. It was killing him. Then another and another over his back body. Sam really would pass out. His body now was covered with blood and sweat. As his legs and body gave up, he heard a shout and door was opened._

"_SAMMMYYY!__!" _

_It was Dean! Dean thrown himself to him, and pulled 'him' away from Sam._

_Next, Sam couldn't remember as he passed out under Dean's body who protected him from 'him'._

_Once again Sam was trapped __in a world of dark dreams, fear and pain. his back hurt, so sore and his whole body ached. Dark dreams held him captive, 'him' and the belt. He was trashing about. He would scream if he can. And again there's a hand a sweet voice soothing him, sponging him and wrapped him. But Sam kept fighting. His back hurt so much and hell burned. He would even fight when they touched his back, bathed his wounds regularly. The voice 'don't let me hurt again' was always stopped, never come out. 'please…stop this pain!' It was a long pain._

**End Flashback**

"I thought I was dead. I was! I saw me mam. She stood before me. Smiled at me. Like she was expecting me to come," he smiled. "Well, I always hope she would come for me. Safe me from the beatings took me to the safeties place, so he couldn't hurt me again."

"I wanted her to come, and say that she loves me, and it wasn't all fault, that I don't deserved this. But she never came. So I believed I deserve it."

"No you don't, Sam, you don't deserve it. It wasn't your fault."

He smiled. "I wished I could believe that." He sighed. "I wanted to die, to stop this pain. I suffered enough. I had too much! I thought I was dead. I was glad as I saw my mam, and smiled at me. I thought she came for me, took me up with her. My time has come. But…no…, it's not my time."

**Flash back**

_Sam slowly became aware of his surroundings. He was laid in a bed, not his bunk. And Dean was there. Right in front of him, crying with glad,_

"_Hi, __Sam__," then burst into him. "I thought I was lost you, __Sam__. I thought you are going to die," he hugged him tighly, and kissed him._

_Till he let Sam go, he still cried. Cry for joy._

_Sam just stared at him, and looked everyone around him_

"_Hallo, Sam, welcome back, son," Mr. Wesson greeted him warmly._

_Sam was confused_

"_You got fever, __Sam__, unconscious for four days, you are scaring us," Dean was smiling. "You are at Mr. Wesson's house, __Sam__."_

_Sam was still quite._

"_Yes, they took care of you, they saved you."_

"_Hallo, Sam," Mrs. Wesson's sweet voice was right beside him, and took his hand gently, "Glad to have you back, love."_

_Sam starred at her, 'Thank you__.'_

**End flashback**

"I was close to death. But they saved me. Their loves made me hanging there. And they promised, they wouldn't let anybody hurt me again. They want to take me with them as they planned to move to England. Dean saw this as a chance to saving me, to get me out from him. So he let them to take me, to have a better life."

"But why Dean was not going with you?"

"He doesn't want it, and I don't know why. He stayed with 'him'."

I sighed heavily. The pain was still there.

"Like I told you, Cas, this wasn't a pleasant story. That's why it's hard to me to tell to anybody."

"I'm sorry, Sam, if this brought you back to the bad memories."

He smiled, "I would live with those memories, Cast. It wouldn't go away."

"It will Sam, They will go. I'll help you."

He smiled bitterly.

"I'm here, Sam. You have me now. I'll help you to get you free from those nightmares."

He smiled again.

I offered him a hug and he fell in my shoulder. I hugged him tightly, to let him now that I always there for him.

"Thank you, Cas."

I just nodded and keep hugging him. Till he finally sleep. It felt good to have him in my arms, knowing that I could comfort him. I sighed in relieved. He trusted me now. And the first thought that he was a whimpered, weak, chicken boy, it's all wrong! He was the strongest boy I'd ever seen. I believed he would be much stronger everyday.

**TBC**

**Soooo, should I continue ? hehehehehe – reviews please …. **


	9. Healing and Recovering

**Part 9**

**Still no beta though hehehehe**

**ENJOY !**

**Previous **

"_I'm here, __Sam__. You have me now. I'll help you to get you free from those nightmares." _

_He smiled again._

_I offered him a hug and he fell in my shoulder. I hugged him tightly, to let him now that I always there for him._

"_Thank you, Castiel."_

_I just nodded and keep hugging him. Till he finally sleep. It felt good to have him in my arms, knowing that I could comfort him. I sighed in relieved. He trusted me now. And the first thought that he was a whimpered, weak, chicken boy, it's all wrong! He was the strongest boy I'd ever seen. I believed he would be much stronger everyday._

**Part 9 – Healing and Recovery**

I watched him sleep peacefully. He just was like an angel. Nobody thought he was carrying such a trauma, pain and sadness. Last night he finally told me everything. His past. It was hurt, yes, hurts a lot. Thank God, The Wesson found him, or maybe he found them like Michael's said. They saved him, they teach him how to talk again, they teach him how to write, they teach him the manner, and maybe they teach him how to cry again. _How you have suffered, Sam. What can I do for you to ease them, Sam? _But at least he trusted me now, and that would be much easier to me to help him through the horrible past. I really want to help him, I want to see him smile happily, bring back the happy memories with Dean. Hope I could.

Just the feeling of careness and love, I kissed his forehead. _'Don't worry, Sam, you have me now.' I won't let anybody hurt you again. Never!_ I really have loved him. And for the first time since I wrote my last journal, ( I didn't remember when was it!) I wrote down about Sam. Wrote from the day I met him, and what I feel for him.

The things much better after he told me. His nightmares were lessening. Well I think that what he needs to release him from the nightmares; shared with somebody, not taking it alone. And I'm glad I was there. Michael knew, and he was as glad as I was. He was right, I should wait him till he trust me, then he will tell. And yes it happened. He trusted me.

We were best friend now. Slowly he was more open up then before. He shared Dean's letter with me, and made me know everything about Dean and how much he was meant to Sam. He was Sam's rock, and I didn't think Sam would survived if there were no Dean -not mentioning how he gave Sam to The Wesson's, but how Dean loved and protected him. And how he hated Dean for leaving him with the Wesson's. How Dean lied to him that they would be together to England. Live together with The Wesson's. But indeed Dean left him, and decided to stay with 'Him'. That was the first time Sam ever cried since he shut his voice at 5. He cried for Dean. Begging for not leaving him. But Dean has made a great big decision. Let Sam go with them to have a better life. And he has it.

We never mentioned his past again, as we put them behind us. We have to move forward. Those memories would make Sam to be a stronger man to be a better person. I tried to gave him a happy time, made him smile, made him talked to me, and shared everything to me. And I made it. He more cheerful now, and shared everything, even his journal. (well, I wouldn't tell my journal to anybody, not even to him. Sorry, Sam, but I will keep it in secret) He was still writing his journal. And to my surprise, Sam was writing his sad story, beside his daily journal in this school and me. He writes his full life story. Start from the day he knew about the pain and the beatings. He wrote all the detail of what happened to him, what he's done to him, even how his father used him as a sexual victim as the changed of his mam, and Dean didn't know that. And how Dean covered him from the beatings. Sam showed all his feeling at back then, the emotion he had to hide from his father. I would never think he would write it down, which he's still trying to get over it!

"Why you write it, Sam?"

"I don't know. I just feel like to write it. To let out my feeling. It was something I couldn't do then. The cried, the screams, the pain, the agony and the heart breaking being denial. I need it for myself, it's kind of healing for me."

"Don't worry it didn't hurt me much. I tried to fight it with write it down as I couldn't talked about it. That much hurt than write it down. So, it's okay for me. Don't worry, Cas, I'm fine," he gave me a little smile

I just nodded. Well maybe he was right. And I was right! Those memories would make him stronger. And I would always there for him

A year passed, and the things still fine with us… with him. He was lot much better than the first time I met him. I thanked to God that I could do something for him. Something that changed him to be a happy boy. Something that I wanted to do, to make the person I love happy. Oh, God! I must be lost now! Did I say I love him? Me, love a boy? Me love him? I know what bible say. Its forbidden love! And what would my mother and father said? Hope they wouldn't kill me! But yes, I loved him. Something I realised those careness was from the love. I cared of him because I love him. And it was really hurt to see your love suffered. It was hell! A year ago I was not daring to admit it, but now it's going much stronger. Stronger as I never felt before. I don't care about sin, I just loved him! Much stronger as to see how much he loves his brother. There's a jealousy inside me. I wanted to be his Dean, the one he loved. The more he talked about Dean, the more I wanted to become him. But I knew I couldn't. There was no-one could replace Dean. Not even Mrs. Wesson or Michael. Dean was the best. So now, I satisfied enough to be beside him as his friend, and made a great day from him. That's enough for me, and hoping he would feel the same.

Everyday I watched him healing, and going much stronger. And every night I watched him sleep in peace. The sleep would maybe just a dream for him when he was still with 'him'. And even he saved now, he was still in misery. He missed Dean so much, and still break down for not seeing him. And that break me down too. How much I want to be his Dean. For something, he would always be miserable.

Sam's deep sleep

"_You ready to go, Sammy?" Dean asked him before they go to the port. _

_Sam nodded with smiled happily._

_Dean couldn't help his gladness to see Sam this happy. This is it. It's the day; they were going to leave, moved to England with The Wessons. _

_He hugged his brother tightly. "I love you, Sam, I love you so much. So whatever I did, it's for you. You believe me, right?"_

_Sam just nodded. He believed in Dean 100% person, and now they were going to leave._

"_Don't worry, everything is going to be alright. Mrs. Wesson will take care of you."_

_Sam nodded again. _

_Dean hugged his brother even tighter. __'I'm sorry, Sam, but believe me I love you so much.'_

_As they were arrived, on the port, Sam was so mesmerized to see the big ship who will took them to England. He never saw this big ship before, and now they will go with it? Sam smiled happily without letting go Dean's hand. He held them tight._

_They took one big and luxurious compartment with Michael, while Mr. and Mrs. Wesson's took another just right next door. _

"_You happy, Sam?" Mrs. Wessons teased him gently._

_Sam nodded without letting his brother hand. He looked at Dean to make sure this wasn't a dream, and Dean just nodded with smiling. Then he moved to the window and watched the outer from there._

_Dean kept looking at his brother with the breakdown, 'God know how much I love you, Sam.'_

_Till they heard they whistle as a signal ship was ready to go. Sam was excited with the view._

"_Sammy, I wanna go outside for a minute, I want to see from out here._

_Heard that, Sam was tightning his hands. _

"_No, Sam, you stay here. I won't long. Michael gonna be with you, right, Michael?" he turned to Michael._

_Michael just nodded._

"_See, " Dean smiled to made his brother believe. "I swear, I won't go anywhere."_

_Sam still held his brother hand, won't to let go._

"_Sam…"_

_Finally, Sam let Dean's hand go._

_Dean smiled gladly, "I'm gonna be out side, okay?"_

_Sam just nodded._

_Dean turned to Michael, "Take him care for me, Michael."_

_Michael just nodded slightly_

"_And thank you very much, Michael. For everything."_

_Again, Michael just nodded. He didn't know what to say, especially in front of Sam._

_Dean looked his brother once again, and kissed him on forehead before he left. And Sam watched his brother through out that door._

_As Dean left, Michael took Sam's hand and together they looked the view from the window. Sam just smiled. _

_But it didn't long. Sam still didn't believe with Dean. And he decided to see himself, to see Dean was still here, even Michael was insisted him._

_And he was glad to see Dean was with Mr. and Mrs. Wesson on deck. He was still here._

"_See, I told you, Dean didn't going anywhere," Michael was as glad as Sam, in different reason._

_Shyly Sam smiled and let Michael guided him back to the room. Dean was still here. That the most important for him_

_The whistle heard again for the last call. And Sam was more excited, as he felt the ship was moving, he was going to leave! He ran outside to see the view with Dean. But what shocking him, Dean was not with Mr. and Mrs. Wesson. Otherwise, they were on deck, waving their hands. Sam went pale. He even paler when he saw Dean was down there. 'Dean isn't coming with us!'_

_Franticly, he ran to find the stairs._

"_Sam, where are you going?" Mr. Wesson chassed him._

_Peter Wesson held Sam tide. Sam was going to jump up!_

"_Sam, you can't go down there. The ship are moving now, we can't reach the port.._

_But Sam went hysterical, he was crying. For the first time he cried._

"_Sam, honey, Dean didn't leave you. He want us to take care of you, he want you to come with us," Mae tried to explained him. "Dean loves you, honey. He wouldn't leave you just like that. You will come back here."_

_But Sam wouldn't listen, he still crying and fighting._

_Till the officer opened the door to show that ship had gone far from the port. _

_Sam shocked with the water and the gap between the ship and the port. It hadn't that far, but he couldn't to jump up and swim. He couldn't swim!_

_He could see Dean was on the port, shaking his head like he wanted say "Don't jump!"_

"_TAKE A GOOD CARE, SAM!" Dean shouted at him. "I'LL WAIT HERE WHEN YOU COME BACK! DON'T WORRY, I'M GONNA BE FINE! YOU GONNA BE FINE, SAAAMM! I LOVE YOUUUU!_

_And Sam just could cry._

"_I LOVE YOUUUUU, SAAAAAMMM! DON'T FORGET MEEEEEEEEE!"_

_Sam nodded in cry_

"No, Dean, please don't leave me… Dean…Dean"

I watched him dreaming again. Dreaming about Dean. Still!

"Shs… Sam, wake up," gently I woke him up, before he went hysterical.

"Dean…DEAN!" he shouted as he wake up. Sweat over his head and he breathe heavily. He was always like that.

"Shss, it's alright, Sam, I'm here…" I'm soothed him, and he went cry.

"He left me, Cas… he was leaving me!"

"No he didn't."

"Yes he did! And I'm not going to see him again. I'm loosing him,"

"No you're not, Sam. You know that," I opened up my arms for a hug and he fell on my shoulder. I hugged him gently rubbed his back.

"I missed him, Cas. I missed him so much!" he sounded like 10 years boy.

"I know that Sam, and you'll gonna see him again. I promise that, Sam,"

"You promise?" he sounded not sure.

"Yes, Sam, I promise," I ensured him.

"Would you accompany me?"

"If you asked me," I smiled

He smiled and sighed. His cry has stopped.

"Thank you, Castiel."

I just nodded.

"Now go back to sleep, I'll be here," I guided him back to sleep. And he tried to get back to sleep.

I watched him in heart breaking, _'God, Sam, don't you know, how hurt this heart to see you this suffer, missing your brother. But it doesn't worst than to see you can you love me like you love Dean?' Can I be your Dean?_

**TBC **

**Sooooo ? Review please **


	10. Can I Be Your Dean ?

**Part 10**

**Still no beta though hehehehe**

**ENJOY !**

**Previous :**

"_I missed him, Cast. I missed him so much!" he sounded like 10 years boy._

"_I know that Sam, and you'll gonna see him again. I promise that, Sam,"_

"_You promise?" he sounded not sure._

"_Yes, Sam, I promise," I ensured him. _

"_Would you accompany me?"_

"_If you asked me," I smiled_

_He smiled and sighed. His cry has stopped. _

"_Thank you, Cas."_

_I just nodded._

"_Now go back to sleep, I'll be here," I guided him back to sleep. And he tried to get back to sleep._

_I watched him in heart breaking, 'God, Sam, don't you know, how hurt this heart to see you this suffer, missing your brother. But it doesn't worst than to see you can you love me like you love Dean?' Can I be your Dean?_

**Part 10 – Can I Be Your Dean?**

Growing as a man, a gentle man. We are 17 now, time for looking a fine girl. We have learnt about love and we knew who we loved. And Michael had found one. A very nice girl. Her name was Gillian. She was beautiful and Sam would teas him, when he was going out with her. Well, you know I wouldn't fine a girl as my heart always with Sam. And to see Sam so close to Michael almost made me jealous, but if he found a girl, that sucked me! Dean had enough for me. But I know Sam needs a girl. Girl who can loved him like a mother. He needed that. He needed a women touch. Mrs. Wesson wouldn't baby sit him forever, so Sam need someone who can act like a mother, and that would be a girl, not a boy. I wouldn't take him as a sinner like I am. But I couldn't deny, the fear that he would find a girl, someone he loves beside Dean, was tortured me! I didn't know what would happened if that happened. Obviously, that would break me. I want to be loved by him. But like what Sam ever said, never dream for what you could never had. _'So wake up, Cas, he would never love you! Don't ask too much. He had trust you and become his best friend, that enough! Don't to take advantage of the fact that his hurting and fragile, So he'll cling to the first person that shows love Please…don't ask more, Cas!_

It was one night, Sam went to bed early. And Sam was lying on his stomach in bed face buried in the pillow. He made no noise, but from the violent ramblings of his body, I knew he was crying. And of course Sam would have learnt how to cry silently. Long years of his father beatings would ensure that.

"Sam," I whispered, but no reply. I gently touched his shoulder

Sam leapt a mile in fear, "No, please… don't hit me."

"Take an easy, Sam, it's me, Castiel. Sorry if you didn't hear me. What's a matter, Sam?"

Sam sighed in relieved, and try to calm.

"Nothing. Just a bad dream."

I smiled bitterly. They haven't let him go.

"Want to tell?"

But he shook his head, and I wouldn't push him.

"You can tell me if you want, Sam."

And he just nodded. "Go sleep, Cas, I'm fine."

I just smiled. "You go back; I'll wait you till you sleep."

He smiled slightly, and tried back to sleep.

As I watched him sleep peacefully, I tried myself to sleep.

Again, it wasn't a long sleep when I heard he called me.

"Cas?"

"Yes, Sam?" I opened up my eyes and saw he was standing beside my bed.

"May I sleep with you?"

It stunned me a while. This is the first time he asked me to sleep in my bed, while I always slept in his bed for comforting him.

"I can't sleep, Castiel. I'm scared 'he' would come again."

It clicked me right away. "Sure," I make a space for him, and he carefully plopped down on the bed next to me.

I pulled up the blanket for him.

"Want me to hug you?" I offered him.

He nodded shyly.

My heart leapt and wrapped him in my arms, just like night before, to protect him from the nightmares till he fell to peaceful sleep. It felt good to have him in my arms, never been well like this. Felt like I'm his Dean. And every time he was on my arms, all I wanted to say:

"Let me be your Dean, Sam."

"You have been my Dean, Castiel," a whisper shocked me. My heart leapt and beat so fast. I looked at him, but he was still a sleep, eyes closed. _'Was it him? Did he say that?' _ But he was no sign of waking up. No, it wouldn't be him. '_Don't dreaming, Castiel!'_

I sighed in disappointed. No he wouldn't say that.

I took a deep breath and wrapped him even tight. Just want to warm him.

"I promised, no nightmare, Sam," and fell to sleep with him.

I woke up in the morning with a nose tickling me. It was him. Just in front of me, sleep like an angel. And he smiled. He never smiled at his sleep before. Does it mean he got a sweet dream last night? Well that's great if it does.

I smiled myself. I loved to see he smiled. I just want him happy. Just like Dean wants too._ 'Damn! I sound like Dean, Dean, Dean and Dean…!_ God, I wanted to be his Dean! I kissed his forehead _(why I always do that?)_

Slightly those little eyes were open.

"Morning, Castiel?"

"Morning, Sam. Had a good sleep last night?" I smiled

"Yeah, never been good before," he smiled shyly.

"Glad to hear that."

"Thanks to you."

"I just hug you, Sam."

"Like Dean did."

I sighed. _God, would someone stop mentioning Dean!?_

"Sam…"

"You are my Dean, Castiel."

I froze. Definitely I froze.

"Sam…?"

But he hugged me tight

"Please, be my Dean, Cas, don't leave me like he did. I need you. I want to be with you. I…love you, Castiel," that words just slipped out.

Now I'm stunned. I let him go,

"What?"

He looked me in nervous.

"Don't you love me too? I read your journal!"

'_What!?' Shit!_ Wait, no time to get mad!

"Don't you want to be my Dean?"

"Yeah, but Sam…?"

"So let it be, Cas. I need you. I want to be with you. I love you, just like you love me"

"No, Sam. God, I'm sorry! I put you on like this. You didn't love me Sam," damned after waiting for him to say the same, now I rejected him? Clever, Castiel. But it wasn't like what I expected. So what did you expected?

His face fell. Tears sprang out.

'_Oh, God' _ He cried now, the last thing I want to see on him.

"Sam…don't get me wrong, At the moment, well you're desperate for love and affection! And you should have a girl, not a boy, you deserve to have a beautiful girl."

"No girls would love me, Cas. You saw my scars, scars everywhere, it would scare them. And I don't need them. I don't love them. I just need you. I love you, Castiel. It just did, like I love Dean."

'_yeah, just like I wanted'. _But does it so easy like this?

"Please, Sam, don't pretend just to make me feel better," I almost desperate.

"I'm not. I thought you. You are the only who can make me comfort. I feel so safe with you, Cas. You wrapped me, you hold me when I was in bad dreams, soothing me. You make me so safe, Cast. I love you and I want you with me. Please.. don't leave me… don't leave me like he did. I hate being left," now he cried.

I bit my lips. He's crying now, just because of me! Damned you Castiel!

"Sam, please don't cry…," I touched his face and wiped his tears, "It doesn't mean I don't love you. Yes I do love you, but I want you to be certain of your feelings."

Sam smiled sadly. "Yes. I've never felt like this."

"But what about Michael? He did like I did too, like Dean did!"

"But I don't love him. And he has Gillian now! Love comes in mystery ways. I never felt something on him like I felt with you. I … just love you, Cas."

I sighed to calming my self.

"I need you, Castiel."

"And I need you too, Sam," as I pulled him close, kissed Sam's damp forehead and began to kiss his face, tasting the salty tears. Wanting to kiss every bit of the pain away. Then shyly. hesitantly I found Sam's soft mouth.

The first kiss was innocent and gentle. Sam relaxed in my arms. no trembling or shaking and just as shyly kissed me back. I was sure it was love, and the chemistry between us was undeniable. And I hugged him tight.

"Thank you, Sam, thank you very much."

"I should thank you, Cas. You are there for me."

"That the only thing I want to do for you, Sam."

"Thank you," and the hug even tighter.

God, I hope this wasn't a dream. I love him and he loved me too. That's all the matter. Please don't blame me. You let us to feel this love, so don't judge us. I need love and he needs love. Lord, please don't hate us. I just want to be his Dean. Being loved like Dean. Please….

**TBC**

**Sooooo ? and reviews …. Please …. **


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